Shitting out ethics

I very much do not like the obligations that family members hold you to up hold. there's not much honor in telling them to piss off, but there's also none in getting in fist-fights. So I'm going to return to David's. Get my cellphone. And return before discussion merge into arguments, which then grow into pissing contests. It just doesn't seem worth it.
I'm too damn pretty

T - K - O

wow. I never actually thought that i was considered to be a loser by my peers, but today has made me a skeptic. I mean, I've known that all my close peers do not really see my views as having validity because of the jester-like role I've come to fill within our "circle" I guess you could call it, and that never really mattered to me. But today- today was bad. I don't think I've ever been passed off by so many people in one day who were not of the kindness to even disguize or make their excuses seem believable.
Oh well, my red head homie still loves me, and red hair makes up for all of the brown and blonde haired bitches. I'm sorry, but that's just how it is.
In other news, the "crap your pants" week is over and appearently I didn't enough so to make me get everything done. So fuck.

realizing my myth

today was

interesting. I didn't go to the Superchick show >_<.
This was supposed to be the "Crap your pants week."
Constipation, however, came about

So there's this new band.... named Superchick. I don't know; It just seemed like a better change of pace than talking about dumb junk. I don't know if i'm going to go to their concert tonight at the temple. All i can see happening at the concert is that I'll just sit there and get pissed at the Christian message - which is weird because I like to consider myself a Christian. This is one of the main problems Mark and I have when we go to church. I think we're expecting something else.

Bang Bang ________ boom

This American Life - In Country
"We did what we were trained to do, but it doesn't work."

If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold, steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue, walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving, she wakes up and says
I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby, don't go away, come here

And there's kids playing guns in the street
And one's pointing his tree branch at me
And so I put my hands up, I say enough is enough
If you walk away, I'll walk away

And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure from my landlocked blues
It would pass the way like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background from a televised war
And in that deafening pleasure, I thought I heard someone say
If we walk away, they walk away

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad, comic display
If you're still free, start running away

Cause we're coming for you

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of faith
Saying, let me walk away, please

You'll be free child once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical grace
'Til then walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I know I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
Bright Eyes - Landlocked Blues


Yesterday David moved the rest of his stuff up to Indianapolis.
He didn't call my mom or I
and that's cool,
But this morning it came clear to me that
the day before yesterday
when I last saw him
would probably be one of the 2 or 3 times
I see him before
he is deployed/expended to Iraq.

When there is peace the warriors attack themselves

I saw a girl today that was oh so beautiful.
Blond hair.
Sunglasses.
About my height (a little taller).
Dark Shirt.
Pants.
Maybe shoes.
Snatching away hearts could be her forte.
But I have selfconfidence issues that don't score up to acceptance averages.
It's funny.
But I guess it's only funny to me
which makes me telling about it just odd
And that makes it even funnier
to me.

Driving cold turkey has been doing me good
Though, I do not really have any ground for that claim
to stand upon because
yesterday - after I bummed a cigarette of Jesse -
I came here and slept until this morning,
Which is better than Rachael because
she decided to take a nap in her car when she pulled into
the parking lot ACROSS THE STREET FROM SIG.
That is where Rachael Goldman slept,
not unlike a dumbass,
through 1st and
into 2nd period.
I know that Rachael's GPA is much much higher than mine
which is nothing to brag about.
But
I did not fall asleep in my car
across the street from school
ten minutes before class.
It made my - and I'm sure at least
3 other people's
- day.

8:16
Off to bed

Anyone who wants me - come get me

My mom is in the next room complaining to my grandmother about watching "horrible stuff" on the animal channel
Now she's complaining to me about the horrible smells my grandmother is-
making
All I can say is that i can relate to wwI guys
choking on mustard gas
which I guess isn't really a good analogy to use
because those guys actually died
but I just needed something to get the point across
that my grandmother makes smells that no living thing
should ever have to smell
and the fact that she's ripe with age
doesn't help much
but that's how it goes
and that's how it is
I guess it's okay
I have a gas mask
and a fan

I finally figured out how to hold my viola correctly.
Let's see
it's only taken.....what
3 years?

I am like a cat, I am.

Cold-turkey Angst

this is possibly the worst possible time that I could have picked to stop smoking
I can't find gum
or the words that could possibly begin to describe anything giving insight into how much of a bitch this is.

Hey Tiger

I had another one of those lessons
with Chris, where we didn't play
but just talked about stuff.
It's like therapy sessions.
It's all good.
He's helpling me figure out crap I should have been worried about at the start of this school year.
Maybe I am retarded.
I don't know

It's just so hard to stop smiling

Well, Seussical is finally over, which means
I can finally stop slaughtering it.
I know full well that I did not
play my best - or anywhere
close to it. I just hope that the
audience wasn't thinking "ohh, those poor kids.
They try so hard and fail so miserably."
Well I did fail miserably
at more things than just
the perfection of the music
but let's just stop with
the allusions to an
impotent romance that hardly ever got aroused to begin with.
oh well
At least it's almost over.

it is hard

so i haven't slept one minute this week. In all reeality, I've been up since monday.
it's no easy task sight reading while fallin asleep. There were like 2 parts in the whilke play as a whikl...i'm not even keeping my eyes open for tghsi blogg u'br gsllrn aslee[ liek3 dfiifer timed after, i got honn eerr.

it's nice knowing education is caught in the crossfire

UE contest robot grounded

Airline refuses to allow it on plane

By THOMAS B. LANGHORNE Courier & Press staff writer 464-7432 or langhornet@courierpress.com
April 13, 2005

An important learning opportunity for two University of Evansville students has been lost, claimed as one of the latest casualties of America's war on terror.

Bruce Rahman and Chris Miller, and Associate Professor of Electrical Engineering James Reising were forced to leave Evansville Regional Airport on Saturday when an airline refused to let them board a plane with a small computer-controlled robot built for firefighting.

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The trio had intended to fly to the annual Trinity College Firefighting Home Robot Contest in Hartford, Conn., an international competition that was to feature 121 teams representing several countries.

But employees of Northwest Airlink, a regional division of Northwest Airlines, said no.

Contest officials say the Evansville team was the only one to be forbidden to fly with its robot, and the only team in the event's 12-year history known to have been shut out of competition because of security concerns.

"One of the things we want to learn from this is, 'How do we make sure this never happens again?'" said Hartford-based Contest Director Juliet Manalan. "We had teams from all over the U.S., and countries like Singapore, South Korea, Israel and Canada, and they all flew to the contest with their robots without any problems."

Northwest and the students agree Rahman called more than a week before the flight to Hartford to ascertain whether there might be problems with the robot.

But the airline and the students disagree over what happened next.

Rahman says he spoke to officials of the airport, Northwest and the federal Transportation Security Administration, though he did not get any of their names. He said Northwest and transportation officials asked what the robot does, and he explained its functions.

Rahman said it was agreed he would bring the robot to the airport sometime before the 10:08 a.m. flight so the Transportation Security Administration could inspect it.

"I even asked them if I should come over there an extra day early," he said. "The guy I talked to said that would be fine, but it wasn't necessary."

Rahman recalled that the Transportation Security Administration said he and the others could have the robot inspected on the morning of their flight, as long as they arrived early enough to give inspectors a reasonable amount of time to check out the robot.

He and Miller said Northwest employees were concerned that motors attached to the robot's wheels and magnets inside the motors could disrupt an airplane's inner workings.

The college students arrived slightly more than an hour before the flight was due to depart. But Philip Reed, vice president of marketing for Northwest Airlines, said that wasn't enough time.

"When they called, our people told them they needed to see how the robot was packaged and they wanted to see its components," Reed said. "They were supposed to come out before an hour prior to the flight."

Reed said Northwest Airlink employees were not qualified to decide whether the robot was safe.

"If (Rahman and Miller) had come out to the airport even 45 minutes earlier, it wouldn't have been an issue," he said. "(Northwest employees) could have called headquarters and spoken to a hazardous materials specialist."

Reed said - and Rahman and Miller agreed - that Northwest's employees tried without success to find another airline that would let the Evansville contingent fly to Hartford with its robot.

"(Northwest employees) just ran out of time before the flight left, and that's the baseline," Reed said. "It's unfortunate. In today's relatively tenuous, security-driven environment, with hazardous goods that may be unfamiliar, caution and a little more time were what was needed."

Among the teams that successfully flew with their robots to Hartford were three students representing Valparaiso University in northwestern Indiana.

They carried their robot on board with them after getting it through an airport security checkpoint without incident.

But first, Valparaiso student Manav Alagh asked employees at United Airlines' airport ticket counter whether they objected to the team's robot. They didn't, as long as security didn't have a problem with it.

Miller and Rahman, who said they stayed up all night Friday to get their robot ready to compete in Hartford, expressed keen disappointment at the airport mishap. Rahman, a senior, has missed his last chance to participate in the annual Firefighting Home Robot Contest. He took some solace in the knowledge that the robot can be demonstrated to student groups for the next year instead of being mothballed.

Miller feels his efforts were wasted. "After all the time we spent to make sure we were ready on time ..." he said.

Streaming NPR instead of typing homework

NPR did a segment on Anti-War songs in early Feb. as part of All Things Considered. Along with Sage Francis, thought provoking rapper Mr. Lif was mentioned with other musicians from different genres on the show as an example of music in popular culture that has largely gone unnoticed by the public in this time of war - in contrast to the musicians of the 1960s who topped the charts with their anti-war rhetoric.
Sage has largely remained about as small as his native state of RI in the public eye - even in his nonanti-war songs - mainly because of the unopened arms with which Clear Channel Communications welcomed his "Fuck Clear Channel Tour." Clear Channel being one of the largest communication companies in the industry, has the ability to be hostile towards a critical musician's career - lol.
They're tight with Green Day, though.
Anyway, the point of this whole post: Devolution. This is a very neat game, similar to to LIFE that utilizes such constructive criticism as "You're a dumb motherfucker" when players get an answer wrong. It's so good.

Another good NPR report was aired this past Saturday as part of the Weekend Edition - Gay in the Heartland

Vomitting tok papers out loud

distincting an ideal from what is real
-basicsicks
+Last night i was thinking about Theory of Knowledge while stabbing myself slowly in the eye of thoughts of college and govenment.
+I came to the conclusion for myself that humans have evolved themselves into a hybrid reality of how things should be (ideals) and how things are (reality).
+In deciding this, because the nature of the assignment is subjective, I completely abandonded the concept of reality being equally as subjective as ideals - which is just as plausible as the notion of that concept's importance.
+So, because of the two opposite realities which humans - in my perception - exist, there is an inherant polarization, to a certain extent, of thought seen when cross refrencing cultures.
+This polarization of thought is also seen throughout cultures but as more of a variation of the initial thought excepted by the individual's society. (This claim is purely based on simulations played out in..... ::i know this feeling. it's that motivation thing kicking in - ADD medication.... here goes ideal imbalance of my defined two realities:::
I hate government, eng10, and all english classes in high school

I take it those aren't the sunshine sirens I hear

Right now i'm telling me to do away with all this silly purposeful symbolism
alliteration is still hip though

"alone in the universe"

eat that shit

so this is what karma feels like

i've said this a lot before
but i am pretty sure that this time
the phrase "I am fucked"
holds true to its word.
They mixed up my IU courses
at a time when I have not time
for mix ups

I might not graduate

The last straw

That's it
I'm for the "terrorists" now
I used to just be for the downfall of democracy
but now, I just want to see someone
fuck it up.
4 hours of government homework
4 hours on these long, LONG worthless lessons
and I still have 7 more lessons to finish this week.
Carpal tunnel syndrome is all i'm actually gaining from this.
that icy feeling is all i'm feeling over my feelings of pissed-offness
I have over a days worth of more work to do on this one crappy subject.
Democracy, I hate you.

none of this could possibly be my own fault...... damnit >_<

It's my nature

and here's the picture I drew for aaron banks. The shading took FOREVER
I spent like 5 hours drawing it.

Bottle Cap

gosh
what the fuck happened? I'm mean, that's all I have to say about the weekend as a whole,
everything included
even things you wish aren't
what the fuck?

Religious tolerance my ass
"there's not nearly enough of this to drink"
driving while a tad sleepy
being the only fuck dancing
spending 23 dollars on shit not worth buying
not knowing what you're feeling: "Am I drunk?"
Having people break lion statues in your front yard
not caring
choosing homework over mark
not really caring about this whole succeeding thing
getting pissed at people over conversations you have in your head
having a bird that decides to fuck up your neck because you're sitting at the computer
"You can't rub Bengay on heartache." - The Calendar Girl
Telling yourself "I'll just sleep for like five seconds" - while driving
Not caring
Meeting a man named Craig
not remembering whether you had cigarettes to give to Craig because you don't remember last night's complete timeline.
Knowing that you purposely forgot.
Not caring
writing letters

What the fuck?

Score!

I just realized that my dress pants give the impression that I have a boner whenever I sit down. Now, the problem is getting them to do this while I'm standing up.

but