"the late worm evades the early bird, but please, that late bird makes that late worm an endangered species....

You're going to die, and that thought's probably killing you."

--------------CLICK ME GENTILY---------------------

outside = bad

i've been in my dad's new house ever since i got here on monday. i have no idea where anything is, and staying inside practicing and playing on the internet just seems more comfortable than exploring indianapolis. It's been going pretty good, except for the hours between 9:30pm (when my brother gets home) and 2 o'clock pm (when my brother and dad leave). but for those 7 hours and a half hours when i'm here by my lonesome, things are pretty good. i'm coming back to evil tomorrow. i've been pretty productive up here. i'm just hoping that i don't fall back into my usual habit of apathy when i'm back in my surroundings. tomorrow night i have a viola lesson followed by a Harley Poe concert. it should be a pretty good day.
Now, all i have to do is not be annoyed by the wang males' conservative, macho attitudes, and i'll be fine as daisies.

"i think the best threat in the world is to say that i'm going to put tacks in your cerial... in two years" -p.o.s.

i just realized that ive been wearing my headphones for about the past 40 minutes, and they haven't even been plugged in. i knew this whenever i put them on.

____mate

I'm going to go buy protein bars, water, mt. dew, bread and jelly today.
Then, i am basically going to lock myself in my room until i get this music right.
see you all monday...
and when i say 'you all,' pretty much what i'm saying is, kaitlyn. I guess all of my friends got sick and died, but that is okay. They all smelled little south of edible. Poor girl. Being my main person is rough. But atleast i'm awesome?

Lice?

What is all of this snow? It couldn't be convientional snow because to have that would require it not being short-wearing-weather the day prior. No, this is lice.

how you like that? you like that? huh?

boom

Rockin' it 1337ist style

my room is so clean and spacious now! it's great. And i finally have the internet hooked into my computer. i had a really good leason today, aslo.
now, i have to go buy things to fix my grandmother's toilet.
All i have to do now is swear off smoking and video games.

i hate white people

so i once was suprised when i found out that no one ever took me seriously. now, i guess i just expect it. i didn't, however, expect it to be taken to the degree that people thought i was stupid.

deleted numbers and am ready to move on

i have a number of over due books at the library. this is not a suprise because it is envidence of my tactic against things that bother me: procrastiation. i'd like to blame that trait for so many other things. Like, when i'm angry at, or in converse, have feelings for, someone, and i don't tell them even after may a resolve to do so. that's not procrastiation but insecurity over what might happen. lame lame lame. so i just fester around like a fish on the floor and get pissed at them as a way for the building up frustration inside of me to escape through a secondary vent. I delete their phone numbers, and they never know what's going on.

locked my keys in my car

now i'm asking myself as mark is outside at my car door with a coat hanger, "what's the use of having spare keys if you only clean your room and put them away in boxes of clutter?"

click.

just another conversation i'm writing down to remember laughs in a time when there really aren't any

Session Start (seppuku646:Axulviar): Wed Jan 04 10:08:09 2006
[10:08] seppuku646: so i guess you didn't stay up
[10:08] Axulviar: yeah i did
[10:08] *** Auto-response sent to Axulviar: sleep
[10:08] Axulviar: i've been here all night
[10:08] Axulviar: at the computer
[10:08] seppuku646: i just called your phone
[10:08] Axulviar: oh, it must be in the other room
[10:09] seppuku646: ohh
[10:09] Axulviar: i haven't even left my room all night
[10:09] Axulviar: hold on a sec
[10:09] seppuku646: sooo comics?
[10:09] Axulviar: what time is your lesson?
[10:09] seppuku646: 4
[10:10] Axulviar: how about in like 2 or 3 hours?
[10:10] seppuku646: i don't think ill be able to
[10:10] seppuku646: it'll be too close to my lesson
[10:10] Axulviar: i'm about to watch unleashed, then i have some porn to download, then i think i have a small child in line to kill
[10:10] Axulviar: oh, you need to practice?
[10:10] seppuku646: yes
[10:10] Axulviar: how about say around 11:30 then?
[10:11] seppuku646: okay
[10:11] Axulviar: k, i'll give you a call
[10:11] seppuku646: sweet
[10:11] seppuku646: how about you be at my house at 11
[10:11] seppuku646: 1130
[10:11] Axulviar: k
[10:11] Axulviar: 11:30 i will walk in and shoot you in the ass
[10:12] Axulviar: with my rifle
[10:12] Axulviar: man that stung
[10:12] seppuku646: i really didn't mean to shoot you in the ass
[10:12] Axulviar: i know
[10:12] Axulviar: i dont' really care
[10:12] seppuku646: isn't it funny how things work out
[10:13] Axulviar: but i'm going to keep bringing it up because it's a good story about how stupid we are
[10:13] Axulviar: yeah
[10:13] seppuku646: and how we suck at sight settings
[10:13] Axulviar: lol, yeah
[10:13] seppuku646: or maybe that's just how we are in life
[10:13] Axulviar: probably
[10:16] seppuku646: so i'll see yoiu in a few.
[10:16] Axulviar: ok
[10:16] Axulviar: later man
Session Close (Axulviar): Wed Jan 04 10:16:38 2006

Session Start (seppuku646:Axulviar): Wed Jan 04 10:17:37 2006
[10:17] seppuku646: so wait
[10:17] Axulviar: huh?
[10:17] *** Auto-response sent to Axulviar: sleep
[10:17] seppuku646: you'll be at my house at 1130?
[10:17] Axulviar: yeah
[10:18] seppuku646: YESSS
[10:18] Axulviar: why?
[10:18] seppuku646: just wondering
[10:18] Axulviar: no
[10:18] Axulviar: why?
[10:18] Axulviar: there is ALWAYS a reason for a big YESSS
[10:19] seppuku646: because i wanted you to be here at 1130 so we can get comics earlier which means i can come back to my house earlier and start practicing earlier
[10:19] seppuku646: so basically
[10:19] seppuku646: because of earlier
[10:19] seppuku646: boom
[10:19] Axulviar: haha
[10:19] Axulviar: k
[10:19] Axulviar: 11:30
[10:19] seppuku646: yess
[10:19] Axulviar: now since i dont' have time for a movie
[10:19] Axulviar: i have porn to download
[10:20] Axulviar: later
Session Close (Axulviar): Wed Jan 04 10:20:16 2006


having nothing to do with the conversation between Mark and i.
i'm still not very sure why i decided to go ahead and drop my handful of the sky that, in chinese culture, idealistically, kaitlyn and i were supposed to be holding up together, but i've been told - and subscribe to this line of reason for the time being - that if there is any confusion about why you are in a relationship and whether or not you like the other party in that way which entails intimacy, then you should pull away; that it is better for the two to be separate when one is unsure because to be together with half not solid in their commitment is like being together and having the whole disfigured. Conversely though, it could be said that the two parties, in their symbiotic relationship act more in accordance with the rules of tofu. That when one party becomes confused about their feelings in the matter - in a sense, losing their flavor - the two should not separate themselves but come closer together in order for the party who lost their taste to regain it through association of the one who still feels the attachment quite vividly. Right now i am hard-pressed to know where i stand. I'm still not sure if i made the right decision. I do know that it would have made things worse to keep being together and not knowing, but I don't know if pulling away was throwing something away either. I'm sad that she is sad. But as a reflection on ending the relationship, i'm still listless on whether to be glad or miserable, and with no one to talk to about it, i'm just caring less and less because that's how i do with things that hurt. I'm sure closure will come sooner or, more likely, later, though. Maybe a rewrite or a threewrite down the road, but like this, i think "who knows."

This was much funnier orally

Stephen: why don't you want to spend the night?
Mark: because i'd feel weird staying at your house while you're sleeping.
S: but i want a sleep-over
Jeff: So you two can stay up all night and exchange manly stories and i'm pretty sure one of you will be up in the morning making waffles.

sleeping in hospitals is hard

sleeping in hospitals is hard

so i went to stay with my grandmother at the hospital tonight but was unable to stay the night through because of a few things: (1) the lady in the room next to us was moaning in her sleep - i think she was sleeping - for a person named Alex to come and get her out of the hospital because she was sure she'd die there, (2)my grandmother also took up the habbit of talking in her sleep. she told everyone how nice they looked and that she was glad they attended the party - my grandmother is very medicated, (3) she snored, (4) the chair wasn't as comfortable as my bed. That's a lie. The chair actually was much more comfortable than my bed, however, i just couldn't fall asleep in it because i couldn't help thinking of things. My bed, though, is less comfortable which takes my focus away from more important things that keep me awake and puts it on the fact that my shoulder and back hurt from sleeping on my side, which is something i can sleep with.
So i had the best new years i can remember, and i even got to kiss people who were willing. god, if only everyday was new years, i'd be in the happy business.