Saturday, October 25, 2008

My Day At Work

Office Dares


ONE-POINT DARES
-Run one lap around the office at top speed.
-Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
-Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
-To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
-Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
-Walk sideways to the photocopier.
-While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
-Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
-Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
-At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself, 10 if you sing it through to the end).
-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
-After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
-While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
-At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
-In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
-Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
-Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
-Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
-Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
-Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out, but don't remove it.
-Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
-During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
-Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.


How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

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Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky". "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sport."
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3."
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
Dont use any punctuation
Use, too...much; punctuation!
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.

Sing along at the opera.
Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. (warning: you can get arrested for this, but that can be instructive too)

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like that.