Detachment Notice

may/27/2008
There have been some... setbacks lately...
...

There'ssomuchtobedonewitheverythingthatneedstobeaccomplishedbeforetheendoftheyearand I'vebarelystartedontheroughdraft.
Kyle'sright.
There'sadisparagingdistance
betweenthepointatwhereweareandthepointwherethingswillneedtobe.
It'soverwhelming.
Andwithallthebreaksintieslately,I
keeplookingincirclesforsomethingfamiliarandendingupwith
air.
Butit'sprobablybetterthatway.


may/28/2008
wake upwake up wake upwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup
it seems like no matter how much coffee i drink i'm tired.
i know i'm going to fall asleep in class again today.
oh well.
it's time to go.

On the Road

"Oh, what a mess your boy has made," I told my mom on Mother's Day.
"Yeah, I goddamn know," is what I wanted her to say, or something similar.
Something that would make sense given the circumstances.
But all she said was, "you're okay. If they're gonna be bitches, they're gonna pay for it."

Battle gets back in a few weeks for a two leave from war.
How odd is it that we live in a civilization that goes to
war, then sporadically sends them back into a peaceful environment for
a week or two? Wouldn't you think that it would fuck with them a little?
Wait, no. The fucking with isn't stemmed from giving them leave
from bullets and bombs and then putting them right back in the thick of it,
it comes from the concept of war in the first place. Conflict resolution.
Come on now. Sign up.
The first time Battle came back, he bought a gun just to feel safe walking around.
He was walking around the park and I ran to catch up with him.
He almost shot me.

there we were
here i am

Glass

I woke up this morning. It was like
every other morning that I had woken up
to for as many mornings as I can remember.
There was light outside.
I walked out of my house and looked around. Looked around for something,
for anything
and then I got that feeling again.
that longing for that indescribable something
that same thing that all humans at onetime in their life
long for so hard, so deeply that it can't be denied for that moment,
but is.
God I hope other's feel that.
Looking all around. Looking for something.
And seeing the invisible restraints holding us in place,
holding us all from becoming exactly what we want to be.
It's that pressure that's so great that it constantly cuts off our
circulation, our senses, keeping us numb to the feeling of -
freedom.

I clock into my job now exactly at 8am every morning. Monday through Friday.
I get paid enough so I feel content in giving them my life.
But really, is there any escape from this same situation anywhere?
I can't shake this feeling of being trapped.

Here I Am. Number 87-012579.

The the third go at it for two 36 year old military personnel in Topeka was successful, resulting at 5:25p.m. an almost healthy male baby.
I don't know the specifics of why I was in the hospital for the first few months of my time here (something about my blood not being kosher) nor do I know most of the specifics around my birth. All that I really know is on the 21 year old piece of folded paper sitting in front of me.
I arrived here at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center.

But more about the Battle of Peubla.