XY - Five Years

I'm sitting on the bed in my father's guest bedroom.
It's 2:42am.
I don't like coming here because I see him as a broken man; stuck in the past.
But still I drive the four hour trip to see him. He doesn't really have any friends, doesn't really go out, he lives so far away from any family, he....
But wait, maybe fuck that entire perception.
Maybe the way I see my father is just a testament of how much I don't know him... or at least that's a better reality.
Coming up here always makes me take stock of my life and analyze its trajectory, which is probably directly linked to the fact that dear old dad still has a dear old dial up modem.
I guess it's not just my father, but my entire family. I don't enjoy any of them.
Seeing them mainly makes me feel bad.
I can't help that.