permanent anorexia

I figured it out while locked in a freezer stocked with meat. I just have to stop eating. Really, that seems like the only way to keep with my beliefs. It bugs me even to eat plants, but there's a point when you have to give in and eat life, I guess. But even when I am venturing into eating all of the consumable chemicals that companies put out, there is still a sense of uncertainty. Foods that list all of the chemicals that go into their product do not say they contain milk, eggs, or other animal by-products but do not say what products make up the chemicals they use.
I guess I'm just tired. Tired of the healthy distrust I must have toward people. When they offer me food, I have to ask to see all the ingredience. It's amazing how many people do not know what a vegan is. Tired of being worried. Worried about what I eat. Worried about money. Tired of knowing that no matter how much meat I do not eat, it does not really make a damn difference. Animals are always going to die because some dumb bastard doesn't have the patience to farm or the know-how to get by without eating meat. Too much of the economy depends on slaughter. It makes me feel like I'm just taking a piss by taking a stand against it. What's the use? We as humans have grown so dependent, there's not really any clean way of unfucking ourselves.
damn...