EatingSheep

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

2011-11-04T21:58:00.002-05:00

So when I got out of basic, I got all the messages that people left on my facebook, and I bunch of that shit said that I wouldn't be the same after I got out; that I would be completely changed.
I did change, but mainly in the parts of me that were lazy sacks of assholes.
I still am awesome (immature).
I still ride bikes.
I still listen to pretty ghey music (see videos)

Nothing can change this level of win.

Cut Through That Sentence Like a Subject and a Predict

2011-10-27T22:22:00.003-05:00

Got through basic, now I'm busting through A-School.
Not much to do until I class up.
Everything is awesome.
Can't wait to get my bike and ride.
It's a good place to be: here.

Nicolai Lilin

2011-08-18T05:15:00.000-05:00

Translation incapable

2011-08-18T00:52:00.000-05:00

I leave to go to basic training in 5 days.

As i'm writing this, I'm sitting in my good bud Wu-Tain's Harlem apartment.

I am 840.4 miles away from where I've lived most of my life; where my friends are; where I've loved so much,

and now that I am returning to that place, I feel that it is time to move on.

It is time to go.

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent, leave the house before you find something worth staying in for.

-Banksy

Enough of that.

The hilarity on this trip was epic

As were the lessons i've brought back.

There were a good many situations that Wu-Tain

helped me out with while in the field.

Riding through New York traffic though-

that will always be why I love this place.

It's like flying a fighter jet.

When I can't do anything else,

I'd love to be a NY bike messenger.

Skedaddle

2011-08-12T12:22:00.004-05:00

"I'll get through this sentence like the subject and a predicate."

For the lolz

Struggle

2011-07-03T17:55:00.002-05:00

It's 809

2011-06-17T08:07:00.002-05:00

I haven't listened to this song in a quick minute.

I remember these guys came to Eville. I didn't go to the show, but I heard this song for the first time the day after it.
I was so pissed I missed it.
This song is still awesome.

Welcome to the Jungle. You're much too much to handle.

2011-06-14T18:09:00.004-05:00

I remember when I was in my junior year (I think)
I saw these guys play.
My friends Mindy, Emily, and Amy took me to St. Louis
to see a Flaming Lips show. It was amazing.
And the guys I was talking about are these guys

Let Me Geek Out on You

2011-06-08T17:56:00.002-05:00

Here's a pimp Adidas ad with a tight beat.

be strong in wanting the change you seek everywhere always

2011-06-05T02:52:00.004-05:00

Went out tonight.
Had Erin drop me off at Peep.
Drank.
Went to Hambones.
Went back to Peep.
Went back to Hambones.
Drank.
Saw a lot of people.
Was glad to see a lot of people.
Realized I didn't want to.
Finished my drink.
Jogged home.
Two miles.
It was awesome.
Didn't act a cock of myself.
Tried to act straight.

If that wasn't to the fullest of my abilities,
stop reading what I write, and tell your moms
I said sorry.

I've started to realize I enjoy me some Star Wars
just a little too much.
There are at least too many Stormtroopers pictures to share right now.
Here's a good one though

and this one

Hard Times... and Wrecks

2011-05-31T01:02:00.002-05:00

My friend Ben and I went out riding today. He was shooting with his camera.
This is what happened.

A while

2011-05-25T15:30:00.002-05:00

A few things have changed.
I was sworn into the Navy on April 16th.
There's a future for me now.
Other things have happened, but that's the major one.
I've drank 5 cups of coffee today, and I'm still tired.

My friend Gavin and I are training for The RAIN Ride
It's 160 mile spanning across the state of Indiana.
Training for this is the hardest thing I've ever done.
I have no idea how I was seriously planning to ride to Argentina.
It's been great though.
We did a 66.6 mile ride the other day.
The harder the tasks are that I accomplish, the more I feel like
I'm being forged into an actual human being.

Here's some music.

My favorite line from this song is
"I have no memory of who I once was,
and I don't remember your name."

Here's another

Everything in my life is changing so much. It's like a tornado in my head blowing around everything that I have known my entire life. However the calm, the eye of the storm is that I know who I am. Everything getting tossed about is the stuff that doesn't matter.

Chinese New Year

2011-02-03T15:45:00.000-06:00

This past New Year a lot of things happened. I made a few resolutions i didn't keep, got too recrunkulous, found something that makes me happy, and thought that when the new year came I'd be a different person.
Needless to say, those resolutions didn't happen, and progress hasn't been made.
Honestly, I've just been so fat and happy that I haven't cared.
I've stopped being angry.
Good thing the Chinese have a different New Year. And since I'm feeling a little bit more Asian than Cauc today, I see this as a good time to think about every horrible thing my little mind can think up and meditate on it.
When everything is fine, why change?
I'll trick myself out of bliss and hope for a better tomorrow.

Damn it iPhone4

2011-02-03T01:25:00.001-06:00

I wrote a long blog about how it's the Chinese New Year and how I've been so happy lately that I haven't followed through will my resolutions and how I'll use this Newer New Years to start working on those resolutions.
However, I hit the home button, and it didn't save the e-mail as a draft.
But that was pretty much it.
Stay angry and get it done.

Respawn Point

2011-02-02T15:31:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting at Sushi's. Just got out of court. I sat there for a hour and a half just to say "hey, can we do this later?"
I've been spending most of my unemployment surfing the web filling out job applications and playing DoD. That is my nest of filth, but spirits are high.
If there's one thing i've taken from the accumulative 77 hours i've played that game is that after you fuck up and get fragged you always start back in the same spot. Everytime, you go back to the same spot. Your friends are there. Scores of kids that messed up just like you, all in the same spot.
I need to get a new respawn point.
Easier said than done.
For now, sitting at Sushi's, drinking wine, and smoking his Camels will do just fine.

Rilo Kiley - A Better Son/Daughter

2010-12-27T23:43:00.001-06:00

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0sy7y54XAE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

As Promised

2010-12-09T17:23:00.003-06:00

I consider myself a pretty inappropriate person.
That being said,
I couldn't come up with half the shit in this site:

THIS SITE IS PAY-GOLD!

I'm so glad for the human ability to learn new things everyday.

iPhone 4!

2010-12-09T15:46:00.002-06:00

After being without an iPhone for the last 6 months, I AM LINKED BACK TO REALITY.
Actually, what I mean by "back to reality" is that I can now again indulge in all of the narcissistic tendencies that I became so use to with my last phone.
The difference now is that I can fall back into my old ways in HD focus.
Prepare to enjoy all of the boring random junk I post!

It's going to be JAWESOME

Merry X-Mas

2010-12-09T15:42:00.000-06:00

Tis the season....

Baby Steps

2010-02-19T16:12:00.003-06:00

The other day it was like waking up after having a crazy dream. I got out of bed, still groggy from the pills that calmed me down, and felt renewed. It was all just the side chemical productions that yielded this feeling, but it was new and refreshing. I realized that everything I had worked for in my life wasn't really important. Mainly because I never really worked that hard for anything. Everything has been so easy and mediocre. That probably goes for most of the company I've been keeping also. So there I stood. Realizing that it'd be a good idea to change. Change, however, is a huge bitch to get underway, which is the first test to see if it's possible. Keep steppin'.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-10-23T00:50:00.002-05:00

I moved downtown at the beginning of this month.
The places is amazing after all the painting and ripping up the carpet we did.
It's a huge place and has a studio to do work in.
I haven't driven my car in almost four months and i love it.
And ever since a nice person threw a brick through the windshield,
no one has driven it in almost a month, hahah!
It's all good practice though.
I've fallen off the bike for a bit though.
It's been pretty cold and rainy,
so I've only been hitting about 15 miles on average a day.
Cut that shit in half if I don't leave downtown.
I'm still sporting my 30lb GIANT Boulder around.
I can't wait to get a decent bike.
The top speed I've been able to pull out of that little guy is only 27 mph on flat land.
I should probably ride my vegan ass over to a gym and do some leg exercises.
I'm not sure if I said anything,
but in August of 2010, Richie and I are riding our bikes to the very tip of Argentina from Evansville.
We're going to take about 9 months just so we can enjoy everything from here to there.
It should be a good time.
We'll be blogging about our training and our trip when it comes around on our website
bicyclebicyclebicycle.com
We'll have the site up in a few weeks.
Prepare for awesome.

Hilarity

2009-10-11T00:57:00.003-05:00

Okay kids,
I've got a bit of advice that might server you well-
If you meet any person you may consider as a significant other,
and you really like them, then
take it slow.
Or better yet,
don't even fuckin' talk to them.
They're probably a dick.
I'm just saying that the likely-hood of them not being a dick
in consideration of them most likely being a dick is pretty slim.
They'll seem cool,
and if you're of the persuasion that ignorance is bliss,
then stop reading and have a great time.
But say one day you drink a little bit too much,
get crazy ideas in your head to play with the phone of this person,
and find a slue of love messages sent to her ex yesterday.
Then also imagine that this is the same ex that broke your windshield with a brick,
jumped you two times, and called your mom's house at 3 in the morning just to tell
her that your a bad man for fucking his ex-girlfriend.

It just isn't Christian.

This is a funny mess I've gotten myself into.
It's funny in the sense that about a week ago she moved into a new apartment
and had no furniture.
It's a mess I can't get out of in the sense that I was all like "Sweetness, I have a storage locker full of shit you can use!"
She has an apartment full of my stuff.
roflol.

Fuck, I really just don't want to get another storage locker.

The Bloodhound Gang

2009-08-10T04:58:00.001-05:00

The Bloodhound Gang was playing on my iPod while I was biking up this hill on the river front today.
It was still playing this great band while my earbuds fell out and were caught in my bike chain.
Total fail.
I haven't showered in about three days. This usually wouldn't be too bad except, since I can't drive anymore, I've been riding my bike everywhere. Today I rode around 15 miles, and then rode my regular six mile going places route.
The two days before that I was in a play that lasted 36 hours.
I smell like an athletic hobo.
I can't wait to get home and take a shower in the morning.
But every time i think i should take a shower
I think
"well shit. I'm going to get on my bike right after i get out of the shower and become a smelly sack of shit again. What's the point?"
What's the point?
So during this play i was in,
I thought it was retarded during the rehearsals,
I saw something.
I mean there was no plan. Nothing except a 12 page
Script that was supposed to last us for three days.
I thought it was ridiculous.
But during the scene with the director, i saw it.
I saw the purpose of the game, the play.
And the worst thing of it is that
I can't stop seeing it.
It's everywhere in my life right now.

2009-07-12T17:29:00.001-05:00

Back in the Dirty Mid-West

2009-07-08T06:56:00.002-05:00

The 24 hour trip has yielded me back in my hometown.
I celebrated immediately by going to Sushi's birthday.
Tequila was involved so I obviously was punched in the mouth
hard by a 120lb girl.
i felt i had it coming.
So i curled up and went to bed
after a well executed drive home.
There was so much tequila.

Yesterday, I stayed in bed as long as I could.
Fucked off with family reservations,
and stayed home composing music for Stationary Odyssey's new album.
By composing
I mean
I woke up a hour before I had to be there
showered,
brushed teeth,
went out for a drink with BATTLE,
and listened to the tracks on the way there.

Today, I left the recording session,
went to Christen's
left and met Erin,
went to the Peep,
went to Kelly's
lost money to that fuck in a horrible game called Poker.

Now, I rolled into bed,
watched an episode of Nurse Jackie,
started an episode of Weeds,
and, hopefully, will work on some school.

Zoo york part 2

2009-07-03T16:21:00.001-05:00

I went to the met today.
I took lots of pictures with great works of art where i made dumb faces.
I thought most of the art i was looking at was a joke and trite.
Then i went to the photography and modern art section.
Now i am completely emotionally drained.
Plus my digital camera is dead.

Basketball Ninjas

2009-07-02T09:23:00.000-05:00

Basketball Ownage

See more like this on kontraband.com

Throw Aways

2009-06-12T06:05:00.002-05:00

Remember tha Ren and Stimpy cartoon where they're on the space ship?
Well, on the space ship there's a giant red button that says "Don't Press"
They're awe struck by this button.
Obsessed.
Finally at the end of the episode, they push it and it blows up their space ship.

This is the game I've been playing, and that is the result I've got.
Time and time again, I push the button
Not because I think the end will change,
but because I like the end result.

Train Wreck

2009-06-09T16:21:00.001-05:00

May 27th
12pm: The phone rings, waking me up.
I hear about that thing everyone my age sees as an complete shortcoming.
It's talked over.

1pm: I say everything the manual says should make it better.
I pick up smoking again.

3pm: I start packing up my apartment.
My G-Unit needs more help getting about.
The rest of this month is a blur

Thursday

2009-06-05T03:45:00.001-05:00

Walking around downtown typing this blog.
Hung out at Hammer Heads. Everyone thought I wad drunk.
Dropped my drunk cousin off at home.
Was upset.
Talked about my friend's abortion.
Went to Hammer Heads.
Went to the Peephole.
Watched Night At The Museum with the Mum.
I don't know how to feel about keeping my morals and also playing a realistic character.
The character he wants me to play works in the meat dept. at BuyLow.
Read over a script Kevin wrote.
Went and recorded/played some music with Ben.
Took Jess back to Grammer's.
Jess got a headach.
Went to get sushi afterward.
Oliver pottied on his shirt.
Went on a dog walk with Laura and cuz Jessica and the dogs Chainsaw and Oliver.
Woke up again.
Fell asleep.
Took my mom to work.
Got home after a heavy night of drinking.
I run off of failed hopes and boozes.

Today

2009-06-04T06:19:00.002-05:00

Left brad's place
Drank a great fruity beer. Still wasn't wasted.
Met Zach and Clayton on the porch.
Drove to Brad's.
Left the bar to take my cousin home to see her dog.
Drank a bunch of more fruity drinks.
Almost got in a fight with two lesbians. I didn't even try to.
Made friends with the huge drunk guy. Helped him buy cigarettes.
Almost got in a fight with a huge drunk guy I'd never seen before.
Went to hammer heads and ordered a fruity drink.
Left peephole with Laura and Jessica and Sushi.
Met a few new people and finished my fourth fruity drink.
Talked to Tabytha. She really loved the Manchester Orchestra show. Said that she felt like her life could've ended at the end of it and she'd be fine.
Got to peephole and ordered a fruity drink.
Ate birthday dinner for my mom with the family.
Fixed myself a cup of high energy tea.
Helped a little to bake a vegan coconut cream pie.
Went shopping for pie stuffs.
Hung out with Sushi and B Perk.
Went to Penny Lane to read an international relations mag.
Woke up.

Saturday Morning Watchmen

2009-05-21T17:32:00.001-05:00

2009-05-18T01:35:00.001-05:00

I don't think I've ever been happier than when i was gaming, schooling, eating, sleeping.
hl2
DoD 1.6
DoD:Source
CS:Source
That was my life for three years.
And it was awesome.

Blank

2009-05-13T15:26:00.000-05:00

Application For A Driving License by Michael Ondaatje

Two birds loved
in a flurry of red feathers
like a burst cottonball,
continuing while I drove over them.
I am a good driver, nothing shocks me.

This is the way i understand it.

2009-05-12T03:46:00.001-05:00

Hi
My name's Stephen.
I am 22.
I am about 5'9, if that
And 140 lbs.
I am a small guy.
I have a mother
A father
A brother
And a grandmother.
There are more, but they do well on their own.
When i get nervous around new people
I drink a lot, a lot.
When i'm sad i stay in my apartment for days on end, saying that i'm just reading a lot, but mostly, i just do nothing.
I like to cause trouble mostly because i'm afraid if i try not to
I'll do it any way.
But i like all of this.
This is whom i live with the vast majority of my time.
It's not perfect,
But i like tim minchin

XY - Five Years

2009-05-09T01:46:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting on the bed in my father's guest bedroom.
It's 2:42am.
I don't like coming here because I see him as a broken man; stuck in the past.
But still I drive the four hour trip to see him. He doesn't really have any friends, doesn't really go out, he lives so far away from any family, he....
But wait, maybe fuck that entire perception.
Maybe the way I see my father is just a testament of how much I don't know him... or at least that's a better reality.
Coming up here always makes me take stock of my life and analyze its trajectory, which is probably directly linked to the fact that dear old dad still has a dear old dial up modem.
I guess it's not just my father, but my entire family. I don't enjoy any of them.
Seeing them mainly makes me feel bad.
I can't help that.

2009-05-07T01:22:00.001-05:00

Trying sucks

Yep

2009-04-29T14:36:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting outside at penny lane right now.
This man in his late 60s just left.
Before he did though
He talked to me about how wonderful children are,
How combersome teenagers are,
And how his 68 year old girlfriend loves having sex.

Yep

Different Strokes

2009-04-29T11:13:00.003-05:00

I'd say two days ago it happened
I was standing at a little get together
Then people started getting angry really quick
That's always stressful,
I got up from my chair after things subsided
Walked to the doorway of the kitchen
Stumbled
slipped
blackout
I came back on the floor with a hole bit through my lip.
They said I almost landed on the poor cat sitting there.
I don't remember.
Everyone thought it was a joke I was playing.
The rest of that night, even before that hilarity happened,
I only have snippets of memory.
I can't off the top of my head remember events pretty much since then.
It's a struggle just to remember people I've talked to since.
Hmmmm

2009-04-24T00:29:00.002-05:00

The bridge you jumped off of
Before we met
Is being repainted
Out of its old colors.
Out of its rust
Out of its weather
Out of its beauty

I got it, i got it, I lost it

2009-04-23T22:43:00.001-05:00

The past few days I've been sick medicating myself heavily with ny-quil and alcohol.
I've found that this, when also mixed with other drugs, leaves you pointless, in a daze, and unable to comunicate wizely with yourself and others.
Conversly, this combination might just let you act in reality how you actually do in your own mind.
For example, if you're like me, you'd go about being destructive, saying the wrong things in the wrong tone.
So I guess the lesson in all of this is to not mix bad with bad, I guess.
But, you can't say a bunch o' fuck ups aren't a bit of fun.

OldBoy

2009-04-14T00:06:00.001-05:00

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.

Weep, and you weep alone.

Take Offs and Plane Crashes

2009-04-12T20:57:00.002-05:00

Let me just say Russell Brand: what a beautiful man.
He did this one bit when it was the 50th anniversary of On The Road where him and his friend Matt went across the US the same way Jack did... fuck, I can't remember the spelling of his last name. I'd google it, but fuck it. I'm preoccupied watching it right now. Anyway, it's a good time.
It's keeping me in good spirits.
Also, I've hardly left my apartment in about a week, and what a horrible week it's been.
So, in order for me to stay sane with myself and I in this tiny space, I've started drinking copious amounts of liquor and coffee at the same time.
It makes me feel stupid and excited all at the same time which gets me into more fun than I know how to facilitate in my apartment.
It keeps things from staying unfunny which makes it even better that something so silly can change your vantage on something so not.

and because humans are fucked up...

2009-04-11T22:37:00.004-05:00

here you go.

War Photographer
The Bang-Bang Club

I was reading around on Henry Rollins' blog and he mentioned the bang-bang club as being a great read. Then I found war photographer on onebigtorrent.com. I'm watching it right now. It's hard... I mean, both to watch and that these people are just hard motherfuckers. I always thought that Christiane Amanpour, CNN's cheif international correspondent, was just kind of this one corporate hooker. I never really though of her as having credentials, but she does. It's a tough film that follows around James Nachtwey on his reports in Kosovo after the war, Rwanda after the genocide, Indonesia during the poverty, and so on.

"...it was like taking the express elevator to hell," James Nachtwey said in describing photographing a cholera epidemic in the refugee camps after the Rwanda massacres. "..it was hard to get over that."

and so it goes...

What Happened While I Was Asleep.

2009-04-10T12:45:00.005-05:00

It's raining so hard outside today.
There's this guy standing outside on a box
in the middle of the parking lot
Just right out from my balcony.
He's playing an accordion. He looks like this.
He was playing songs that sounded like this... choose the one that says ARMS.
There where news paperboys running all around him passing out a book to everyone.
Then the thunder woke me up.
I looked outside and it was raining so hard outside today.

Status Report

2009-04-08T13:28:00.001-05:00

I mess up a lot at things I have a significant say in.
I try not to give a fuck about things I can't change,
But i can't stop thinking about the things i can.
The g-unit took her meds twice in a hour yesterday.
Chew found her eating pie with her bare hands.
"I thought you were going to stop getting up in the night and having snacks."
"It's four in the morning, isn't it? That's a perfectly good time to eat."
She turned 93 last week.

Turn off the lights and run

2009-04-05T16:28:00.001-05:00

I like it when things fall apart.

2009-04-04T15:53:00.001-05:00

Got out of bed too early.
I couldn't sleep. Now
We're watching Dracula.
The one bram threw down.
3.44 - i'm drinking keystone
Beer is beer. Piss it
I don't know what's going on in this movie.
Fuck, i don't know what's going on
In my movie.
Situations get fucked up....
Shit, did Reeve just ger his made-up old ass stomped.
Chels is down until work.
I just want to finish some school
And play around in the city...
Piss on it. Right now it's all gnarles...
Aw shit, Dracula just got iced.
Bitch looked like jesus for a sec.
Shit, that shoplifter chick just cut him and is all sad about it.. wtf
There goes his head... Wtf
Everyone loves Neo?
Fml

2009-04-01T23:28:00.001-05:00

11:27I remember this one timr i was at a bar listening to Bush on the jukebox.
Unemployed.
Out of cigarettes.
Happy.

Exponential Growth is the Evil Genius' Best Friend

2009-03-16T18:14:00.003-05:00

I came across this great video today from MentalFloss.com. Let's take a look!

Along with that google list, I found a great article on the subject too. It's a pretty good time.

I also found this great site that lets users view great places to go climb called Infiltration. It gives you all the spots in your area of abandoned buildings.

Fun times.

Try It

2009-01-31T14:45:00.001-06:00

How To Go About...

2009-01-19T14:22:00.005-06:00

tough diplomacy

1,259 Palestinians were killed in Israel's air and ground onslaught, more than half of them civilians, according to the United Nations, Gaza health officials and rights groups. Thirteen Israelis died, including four soldiers killed inadvertently by their own forces' fire.

+Why are Palistinian Soldiers called "Militants" and Israeli Militants called "Soldiers"?
http://cache.gettyimages.com/xc/71543664.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF193CC300C081D9F4700FDAEE725359A3DBD78812092FE62AFCDA55A1E4F32AD3138
http://lonestartimes.com/images/Benzion/June_06/Gilad_Shalit.JPG
http://www.kawther.info/Hamas_Reuters.jpg

http://kawther-salam.blogspot.com/

http://www.imemc.org/article/50028

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44042000/jpg/_44042262_israel_soldier416afp.jpg

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.melbourne.indymedia.org/uploads/israeli_soldier_pointing_gun_straight_at_child.jpg&imgrefurl=http://melbourne.indymedia.org/news/2006/07/117165_comment.php&usg=__XJ6sCalUHrr5hs_brRIWHSvspVE=&h=573&w=800&sz=125&hl=en&start=39&um=1&tbnid=UEQBC7ThAIHkLM:&tbnh=102&tbnw=143&prev=/images%3Fq%3Disraeli%2Bsoldier%26start%3D20%26ndsp%3D20%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Dactive%26sa%3DN

http://www.coxandforkum.com/archives/000877.html

http://fatherjoe.files.wordpress.com/2006/07/israeli_soldier_points_gun_at_father_and_child.jpg

http://lmno4p.org/articles_palestine.htm

"Waltz With Bashir"

http://www.israelibyday.com/

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Let Me Show You My Friend

2009-01-19T13:23:00.000-06:00

Daily Mugshot

Here is Sushi.
Watch Sushi grow.

I Had A Dream... then I woke up and went to work... and had a few more.

2009-01-19T08:42:00.007-06:00

Check this out. For the next two weeks I have a shift of 8am - 5pm because I am in training.
Aside being scheduled off, that's the best shift you can have at an office job because
you have to wake up early, which makes you feel productive because you're waking up early to go to work.
Applied to the training I am going through, that statement is a paradox.
I may be waking up early to go to work, but do not be fooled by this statement.
No work is actually being done.
I am in a training class that is supposed to make me do my job better.
When I heard about this class, I literally gave four people high-fives because I was so excited.
Let me explain why.

I work on a team with about ten or so other people.
My teams is one out of about 30 teams.
My team has been ranked highest out of all the teams since I joined it about four months ago.
Out of the ten or so other people on my team, I'm ranked second or third, but it's pretty close.
I won a phone.
Literally, they gave me a land-line phone. No joke. That exact one.
So I am not horrible at my job, but as soon as I heard about this glorious training class, I decided to get my act together.

My regular shift is Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday from 12pm to 11pm.
This shift has its obvious pros and cons.
The pros being that I only go to work four days a week (please note how I say "I go to work" instead of "I work" - there's a big difference) which lets me spend almost half of every week fooling off and doing the things I want/ need to do.
The cons being that only one of my days off coincide with they days off of my girlfriend and most of my friends and that I have to work ten hour days.

With this new shift, there is a trade. I get to spend more time with everyone because I only work until five. However, I have to work five days a week. But at the end of the two weeks, when I get Saturday and Sunday off, I also get the following Tuesday and Wednesday.

There are also the little things that make this class appealing. One of them being that I am the youngest person in the class by about four years and already know most of the information being covered. This makes me feel like the smartest person in the room, which is always a good point.

So, when I hear that the punishment for doing less work is having to take a class which not only gives me a great shift and makes me do even less work, I'm all game.

One of the first things they made us do today was write one of the higher-ups an email of what we think made our Average Handle Time (AHT) higher than the projected time we should have.
Here's the email I sent.

"Hey *****,

How’s it going?
I am doing great!

So I have a problem with my average handle time being a little bit too high.
Here are three reasons why I think my “AHT” is too high!
1)I think I may just be a little to personal with the client. I kind of like to talk a lot.
2)I always offer more information than what is needed. For example, every non-bold BlackBerry call, I ask them if they’ve done the 4.5 update.
3)I usually ask my TM or neighbor for information instead of using myCSP, which seems like the faster thing to do, but sometimes is not. So I think I need to focus more on finding my information!
Well, those are my three main reasons for having a high AHT.

You have a great day!
See you at soccer practice!

******* ****
******@att.com
BDS"

And the funniest thing I think I'm going to do all day is this.
I wrote this entire blog while not breaking eye contact with my area manager (AM). She came in about a hour ago and has been giving us a talk of what is expected of us.
I never knew that talking to my mom on the phone while playing video games would be great training for keeping up conversations that I am in no way focused on. I look like I'm actively engaged, but I literally have no idea what is going on. I'm spending more time typing about what the AM is talking than actually listening to what she is talking about. I feel pretty secure in doing this because I know that nothing the AM is say really applies to what we're doing today. Even if it did, I could just act like I knew what was going on. Even if she asked me a direct question, I would just start out strong and then pause, look confused, and then say "Oh geeze, I just had a brain fart."

This is what I have to do most of the week until May.
May is sort of my finish line.
It is when I can get rid of my one bed room apartment and move back home with my mom.
I know this sounds like the most pathetic goal one person can have,
but when I move back in with my mom I can finally go to college instead of taking online classes.

Well, it's time for my union mandated 15 minute break.

2009-01-15T09:57:00.002-06:00

So i'm sitting in court right now. I've been doing this since 8am. It's 10am now.
I hate court.
All this bigidy-bullshit because some retards don't know how to file paper work.
Fuck

Immortal Technique

2009-01-09T14:59:00.000-06:00

Nos compraron el alma barata
Hasta la sangre nos sacan atajan
Y con un contrato te atrapan
Pero primero me matan hermano
Por que prefiero morir
Peliando que ser esclavo
Industria Sucia
Toma lluvia de acido
Aprende la historia de hip hop clasico

Cuando controlan el negocio y la cultura
La musica se vuelve en comercial basura
Y la reina latina, pintada como gallina
Es mas que bailarina o puta en la esquina
Es abogada, profesora, madre, soldada
Y carga nuestro futuro cuando esta embarazada
Mira nuestra gente cruzificada
Y la manera desgraciada
Que estos perros no hablan en nada
Mas que en la riquesa
Que la gente los tiene
Asi que ahora vas a ver
La violencia que viene

Un movimiento de verdad ha empezado
Dejamos el imperio corrupto descuartisado
Golpe de estado disparando al presidente
Es hora de revolucion nuevamente

Un movimiento de verdad ha empezado
Dejamos el imperio corrupto descuartisado
Golpe de estado disparando al presidente
Es hora de revolucion nuevamente

Cheers

2009-01-08T03:08:00.001-06:00

Here's to my Aunt Elenore who died the day before yesterday.
Here's to the break up I went through today.
Here's to me quitting my job before they say "you're fired" tomorrow.

It's been a hell of a week so far. God damn.
It's only Wednesday.

It's all kind of funny.

iPwn

2008-12-27T22:02:00.002-06:00

so i got this iPhone... this device has made me forget about my job, my lack of sleep, and pretty much everything else while, amazingly enough, at the same time helping me keep track of everything in my life.
as you'll notice, you're ass now can get day to day views of what my beautiful face looks like.
sweet jesus, it's like when i pop those ear buds in, i pretty much zone out.
i'm actually doing it rightn now...

patients

2008-11-17T15:41:00.003-06:00

If you ever find yourdelf in an office setting at a job you don't really care about, then here are some useful hints that will help you pass the time and keep you from constantly thinking about how much you job sucks and how stupid most of the people around you are.

1. Get in good with the IT guys. You'll eventually notice that the website blocks from your computer have been removed.

2. Keep a copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War on your desk. This will keep your supervisors from speaking above you because you read the same dumb books they've read.

3. Bring a small sized slinky to work. Practice with it. Soon, you'll be able to sling it across the room with enough precision to knock over a co-worker's coffee cup. This move is hilarious, but not very time consuming.

4. Bring G.I. Joes to work and act out sit-coms with them. This is kind of entertaining at best, but also sends a clear message to your co-workers: "yes, I still play with these, but that fact alone makes me a little weird."
Stupid people don't like mildly weird people = you don't have to talk to stupid people all day.

5. Bring an ipod or zune to work with you. Runb the head phonem¤¤mmnn|||nnnnn|mnnnnnnpxfc
Kk

hilarity

2008-11-06T21:16:00.003-06:00

For the past few weeks I've stopped being afraid of the words "you're fired."
Mainly, it's because I know that my job will never be important. This job will never be anything more than a pay check and a distraction.
So, I've personified this concept. I've stopped shaving. I speak to people the same way I would speak with anyone that I just met. I call coworkers racist for giggles.
I am in fact wearing house slippers at work right now.

So today, my boss took me into one of the conference rooms for a one on one meeting.
He suggested that I take part in the leadership intern program - a management position.

I knew if I watched office space enough times, it would come true...

My Day At Work

2008-10-25T14:57:00.004-05:00

Office Dares

ONE-POINT DARES
-Run one lap around the office at top speed.
-Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
-Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
-To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
-Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
-Walk sideways to the photocopier.
-While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
-Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
-Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
-At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself, 10 if you sing it through to the end).
-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
-After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
-While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
-At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
-In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
-Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
-Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
-Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
-Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
-Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out, but don't remove it.
-Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
-During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
-Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky". "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sport."
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3."
Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
Dont use any punctuation
Use, too...much; punctuation!
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.

Sing along at the opera.
Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. (warning: you can get arrested for this, but that can be instructive too)

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like that.

Here. We. Go.

2008-09-19T01:31:00.003-05:00

I haven't pulled my eyes out of this US Army Survival Manual all day, and there's the US Military Counterinsurgency Manual still to go. Hundreds of PDF files on how to be a ghost and how to make a difference. I can't even read fiction anymore. Comics, oh my god, comics. I don't even feel like it anymore.
It's like school began again. For the first time in, what, almost four years my education has began again. A People's History of the United States, Ghost Wars, A Question of Torture.....

Weeks Later.

So what is there to do now?
It's a bad, bad place we live in.
And the problems are so big.
Too big to feel like they relate directly to me.
I don't feel like any of the things I read about are in direct action against me.
So I really don't care.
But there are tons of problems that are indirectly touching.
No man is an island, I guess.
So what is there to do now?
I mean, it's obvious what to do now, but how do you go about changing these things?

Look... Look Over There

2008-08-16T22:20:00.000-05:00

It's all about distractions. That seems to be the main challenge. We all have our epic life goals. But as the word implies, life has so many things to offer. So many things that are so very neat. It's all these neat things that distract us from our main emphasis in life. It's a hard thing navigating through them and staying on route.

Riding Shotgun

2008-07-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

So here I am. Sitting in this car with a leather interior listening to Adventures in Odyssey. Thank satan the windows are down. If you didn't grown up in a protesant family, you probably never had to go through listening to this.It's a program for children put out by Focus on the Family. Again, if you didn't grow up in a protestant family, you've probably never heard of this organization. It's headed by "Doctor" James Dobson. This whole group is a left over part of the Reagan hayday and the Moral Majority. Basically what I'm saying is that this is a horrible car ride.
The situation is I drove up to Indy so that my dad and I could drive to Cinci to move his stuff out of his apartment. When I got to my dad's he threw a piss fit over me not wanting to drive in his car because of the leather seats. What could I do?
I got fucked. And have to listen to a full car ride from Indy to Cinci of good ol' Christian values. I think I'm driving to Bloomington as soon as we get back to Indy.
My father is a sneaky son of a bitch.
I'm just trying to keep myself occupied with this blackberry.

2008-07-22T03:13:00.001-05:00

I swear to god that wasn't a guiding star the three wise men saw.
It was a GPS guided missile that was burning light into the sky.

Keith Mann

2008-07-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

	Animal Voices - From Dusk 'Til Dawn: An Interview With Keith Mann

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Comrade, Don't Look For the Past in that Bottle of Jameson

2008-07-06T11:44:00.002-05:00

Let's get our acts together.
Stop downloading so much porn and
a little bit more about how to change this country.

Here's an email that Jared Paul, a great human, wrote me a while back.

"stay mad. not at them. but mad at the stupidness of it
all. they're gonna tell ya that it's bad to be angry,
but it's not; i'm about as happy as a guy can be...
lucky, had a not rich, but still LUCKY life...
regardless, if you care about other people and the
earth, and you've got your eyes open, you SHOULD be
angry. don't be angry at them. be angry at It. keep
it tucked away in your gut like plutonium. it'll clear
things up when ever tap into it."

How to say sorry...

2008-06-18T00:51:00.002-05:00

... and not really be.

Forgive me
but we were on our way
and you happened through it.
Billy in the back distracted me
as you haphazardly took your last breath.
I am glad you did not damage the Jetta
much.

Detachment Notice

2008-05-27T12:52:00.003-05:00

may/27/2008
There have been some... setbacks lately...
...

There'ssomuchtobedonewitheverythingthatneedstobeaccomplishedbeforetheendoftheyearand I'vebarelystartedontheroughdraft.
Kyle'sright.
There'sadisparagingdistance
betweenthepointatwhereweareandthepointwherethingswillneedtobe.
It'soverwhelming.
Andwithallthebreaksintieslately,I
keeplookingincirclesforsomethingfamiliarandendingupwith
air.
Butit'sprobablybetterthatway.

may/28/2008
wake upwake up wake upwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup
it seems like no matter how much coffee i drink i'm tired.
i know i'm going to fall asleep in class again today.
oh well.
it's time to go.

On the Road

2008-05-11T14:35:00.003-05:00

"Oh, what a mess your boy has made," I told my mom on Mother's Day.
"Yeah, I goddamn know," is what I wanted her to say, or something similar.
Something that would make sense given the circumstances.
But all she said was, "you're okay. If they're gonna be bitches, they're gonna pay for it."

Battle gets back in a few weeks for a two leave from war.
How odd is it that we live in a civilization that goes to
war, then sporadically sends them back into a peaceful environment for
a week or two? Wouldn't you think that it would fuck with them a little?
Wait, no. The fucking with isn't stemmed from giving them leave
from bullets and bombs and then putting them right back in the thick of it,
it comes from the concept of war in the first place. Conflict resolution.
Come on now. Sign up.
The first time Battle came back, he bought a gun just to feel safe walking around.
He was walking around the park and I ran to catch up with him.
He almost shot me.

there we were
here i am

Glass

2008-05-10T01:54:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning. It was like
every other morning that I had woken up
to for as many mornings as I can remember.
There was light outside.
I walked out of my house and looked around. Looked around for something,
for anything
and then I got that feeling again.
that longing for that indescribable something
that same thing that all humans at onetime in their life
long for so hard, so deeply that it can't be denied for that moment,
but is.
God I hope other's feel that.
Looking all around. Looking for something.
And seeing the invisible restraints holding us in place,
holding us all from becoming exactly what we want to be.
It's that pressure that's so great that it constantly cuts off our
circulation, our senses, keeping us numb to the feeling of -
freedom.

I clock into my job now exactly at 8am every morning. Monday through Friday.
I get paid enough so I feel content in giving them my life.
But really, is there any escape from this same situation anywhere?
I can't shake this feeling of being trapped.

Here I Am. Number 87-012579.

2008-05-05T01:23:00.004-05:00

The the third go at it for two 36 year old military personnel in Topeka was successful, resulting at 5:25p.m. an almost healthy male baby.
I don't know the specifics of why I was in the hospital for the first few months of my time here (something about my blood not being kosher) nor do I know most of the specifics around my birth. All that I really know is on the 21 year old piece of folded paper sitting in front of me.
I arrived here at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center.

But more about the Battle of Peubla.

Flat Tires

2008-04-30T00:54:00.002-05:00

When it all went south, I set out on a search.
One for a new philosophy,
and ended up with "all women are whores,
except for our mothers and sisters."
And it suited me.
For a bit, I was waking up next to different
hookers that probably didn't matter very much
and was very fine with this.
We made sex on the day her grandfather died.
Sat and drank coffee and soda outside a coffee hut
on the coldest day I'd ever experienced in April.
And now, it's time to hit the road again
for a state that deals more with how reality actually coincides with
existence, instead of how I want reality to be in order
to fix my mind.

You're Gonna Carry That Weight.

2008-04-25T03:06:00.005-05:00

Where'd the good go?
Jesus. I don't know what chemicals my body is lacking to keep me
soaking in this tub of regret.
I feel like most of what influences the decisions I make is boredom.
I can't shake this total listlessness toward everything. It's bothering the hell out of me.

Here we go.

Meat Breakfast

2008-04-22T11:08:00.002-05:00

4/22/08/
Live eviL
Imagine a world without fences where you got
umm yeah, where you have this group of people on this side,
and this group of people over here,
and they are nothing alike and know about each other
and are perfectly cool.
Naw, naw, that's a bunch of bullshit.
But for real now.
Imagine the most amazingly disgusting shade of green, pond scum.
Got it?
That is what I had to wade around in for the last five hours
working for the city which, oddly enough, translates into working
for Burdette Park.
I don't want to move. All I want to do is bitch about how much I ache.
Fuck.
I found the most amazing place in Evil. It's so cool that it's not even in Evil.
I also got around 150 pictures that I need to post up but later. I don't want to stay at Pennylane that long.

4/15/08
Stumble, stumble, slip, trip
Bang bang diggidy
Bobby woke up the other day and realized that it's not that he couldn't get out of the bed in his basement room, it's that he didn't want to. Didn't want to go to work; called in. Didn't want to talk to friends; broke his phone. Didn't want to do anything.
I saw him the other day in an attempt to keep guessing what happened
and he just smiled and said to me
"It's all okay. It'll all be great."
Kitty Wompuss got the cold shoulder.
Fuck, what a year.
Now, it's right back where it was.
Except now I can get a bit higher.

Dispatches From the Dirty Mid-West

2008-04-17T12:22:00.003-05:00

Never Give Up. Never Give In

After thousands and thousands of years of being mined, pillaged, and generally fucked over, Earth couldn't take it anymore and, once again, shook in frustration.
I woke up this morning thinking that some asshole was shaking my car. So I lifted my head up, looked around, and immediately fell back asleep. I think pretty much everyone reacted that way.
Bills are mounting up again. Is it funny that this made up thing we call currency takes priority over the round lifeform we live off of?
And just now, not five minutes ago, I was going through My Documents and found underwear pictures of Angelia's 12 year old daughter. Why? I'm all for pictures of naked people, but Jesus. Little kids trying to be sexy just makes me hate sex, and I really enjoy the sport.

"Love Me"

2008-04-16T00:31:00.005-05:00

It was the summer of 1995. We were all sailing through the sandy dunes of Arizona, and no - Sting was not there. Our motorcycle gang went through this ghost town with only one pub, so we decided to stop in and see what the problem was. Half way through the fourth hour a wheeled stretch-car rolled through the town and to the pub. Inside marched a very small, proud man by the name of Zacharia Stokes. It was obvious that the man was President of Stokes Motorcycles. After maybe too many drinks he let our small group of hardened fucks on to what the situation was. It was late in the game and the hovercraft kids were making a play for the whole shibang. So here we were.
And here I am.

Business Arangements

2008-04-14T19:44:00.004-05:00

When you get outside the air
feels so nice. And when your camera works, everything encompassed in that air looks more interesting.
I remember that last night Battle was in town. Fuck, it's like some depressing recount by an emotional bastard. I had a cold and lots of medicine that comes with it. Mix that belly with a bit of beer and it gets interesting real quick. Simple humiliations become hilarious.
But then at the end of the night, it seems like we missed the point.

Root Canal

2008-04-13T11:55:00.005-05:00

"That was the best wipe-out. You didn't even cry."
Warm beer
Jeffrey Lewis is a marathon runner in my head.
Time slows to a slant stop. It's snowing today.
Laying back in the chair today, watching the television mounted in the ceiling, I felt an odd sense of relaxation. Now my face is all numbed up and I have a bunch of way cool drugs they thought I should have.
Now I'm sitting in this computer chair, my ass turning to cottage cheese
wondering how to get a day out.

¿Quien mierda eres?

2008-04-11T21:58:00.001-05:00

What can you do with a camera that doesn't work?
I have to work for the city again tomorrow. Fun shit.
We scouted out some buildings.
Richie, Jeff, and I all went down to the river today,
drank in the sun and flew kites.
Ever want to go to bed, but you can't stop watching some Showtime
show?
I need a grappling-hook.

Humans!

2008-04-10T23:34:00.001-05:00

Sponsor a Zombie

2008-04-10T08:46:00.000-05:00

Sponsor a Zombie from Harvey J. Wallbanger on Vimeo.

Judah... I tried

2008-04-09T21:54:00.007-05:00

One gonna heal my body another gonna heal my pain
One gonna settle me down then bring me back up again
I’m gonna put my family back together again
It turns out that, despite the problem, watching videos of people having sex
drinking a lot of beer, playing video games, and listening to nothing but NPR-
all constantly on a set of noise canceling headphones- does not fix anything.
I could have sworn to God that the porno would have worked.
One gonna hold my woman another gonna hold my job
One gonna help me get up, another gonna help me stop
One gonna help me talk right, one gonna lay me down to sleep
It's exhausting, keeping up contempt; hanging out in the back of your mind
reminding you of what you hate. Honestly, it's been done, so what's there to do.
It's all okay, but it's just exhausting - change.
One gonna hold my thoughts and another gonna hold my bones
One gonna keep me warm and another gonna keep me cold
One gonna bring religion, right from a Coleman stove
Battle's doing fine, except for the obvious.
They're 'loud something ekil a ruof yad ssap siht emit dnuora.
tib a pleh dluohs taht os
One gonna help me keep em’ another gonna help me tame
One gonna run me down (Hell a bullets in my way)
You’re gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago
ylrae pu gnikaw dna etal deb ot gniog neeb ve'I, keew a ni tpels t'nevah I ekil sleef tI
peels t'nac tsuj I .ti pleh ot elba neeb yllaer t'nevaH
I’m gonna buckle my belt around the ceiling pipe
I’m gonna buckle my knees and I’m gonna lock em’ up tight
I’m gonna hold a pen while you drag my arm across the page
But maybe it's just like the redevelopment of skin.
daeh eht no niks tnrub-nus dlab ehT
One gonna hold my memories another gonna close the door
One gonna leave me restless another wanting more
You’re gonna keep my soul it was yours to have long ago

1st point is that of no return

2008-04-04T23:33:00.005-05:00

The seatbelt warning light comes on my dash
even though it worked, but the heat keeps me warm.
Make up splashed across the eyes and
the hair to cover up the years that don't show
Battle doesn't need to worry about the bullocks
he's a technical 'chinegunna scout.
Getting past the failure means understanding the party
decisions that don't make them happy but
content. Content in their misery, happiness, frustration,
whatthefuckever. How can you argue against that?
Get out of the plane mid-flight and let it fall where ever.
It's my G-Unit's 92nd today. She sat at the end of the table while
the rest of us got drunk and argued.
Barely said word.
I know what I did wrong now,
For some reason I just miss that family feeling of going there
at night and seeing her and the kiddo.
and some self-hating part of me wants to go back and try to explain
my position. The point of no return,
the fist point of getting past this manic state-
laughing, mourning, and being too normal to feel, all constantly.
Stumbling out of the movie theater today, they gray sky felt like a ceiling.
The kind that won't let you grow. So I
went home and broke all the trophies I'd ever won.
All kids eventually grow out of their room.
Fuckshit, what was I thinking; way too caught up in the moment in my head.
Jesus, I was at the fucked up point of worrying about paying for a 1st car for her and supporting the homestead in three years.
Unwelcomed, premature ejaculated relationships.

"When Depression Sets in it's Time to Shoe-Shine Your Weapon"

2008-03-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

Tonight, driving home,I passed this car stopped in the middle of the road on Kentucky. When I looked around to see why it was stopped, I saw a kid on the ground knocked off the bike laying on top of him like he'd been hit by a car. He was looking around dumbfounded, his face scribbled out like his body was trying to show the pain it didn't know how to comprehend. I didn't stop; just slowed down a bit to get the picture. "Don't stop. You're drunk. There're people already on this. Staying around would only get the police wondering why you smell like one too many shots of brandy," I thought.
Why should I lie? There needs to be a scent of honesty in this shit storm. Honesty built on lies doesn't cut it either. If there's any way I can survive this. It's to start being completely honest. I'm not going to lash out all my shortfalls on a coffee table, but I need to stop playing them off as successes.
So I drove home. Filled the flask I gave Battle three Christmases ago with rum and helped my mom make the bed in Battle's old room so I could sleep and rub one out.
I've dug this hole I don't know how to get out of at twenty years old.
The extacy and earnestness that this night began on is turning into a headache now.
I'm going to get on with the latter of my plans tonight and pick it up tomorrow with that goddamn green book that weighs on me like a dead relative telling me to get on track.

Chattanooga Lincoln Over

2008-03-20T23:40:00.003-05:00

Starting from the top.
Battle made his way to Kuwait a few days back. I can tell he's worried when he tells me he loves me. Kuwait is like the staging grounds of the U.S. force streaming into Iraq. They receive more specialized training from private military contractors there and then advance to their positions inside Iraq.
For Battle, his station will be Mosul. The task his unit is assigned to is primarily escorting convoys on the route from Mosul to Baghdad.
I haven't checked up on the atmosphere over there in the last week or so.
Let's see how things have improved.

Mosul 'repackaged as final stand' to sell war in Iraq

At least 26 killed, 32 wounded in Iraq violence (Roundup)

Guess shits all in the wind when we're trying to swallow that new fresh breath of air.
I've been looking into contract combat medicine lately.

But Anyway

2008-02-07T17:50:00.001-06:00

This Mourning

2008-02-05T14:16:00.000-06:00

At 2:30 this morning our caravan of cars left my mother's house and drove the four anxious miles to the Armory. It was the same anxious car ride we had taken back in 2006. Battle was supposed to leave with two other guys but one of them didn't show up. We all waited in the parking lot while rain lightly drizzled on us smoking cigarettes for an hour before the driver taking them both to Indianapolis showed up. They waited 15 more minutes for the third guy before leaving. I hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and then called him a fag. "See you in a bit" were the last things I said to him. After those dramatics the three of them got in the van and drove off.

Molotov Cocktail

2008-01-30T18:40:00.000-06:00

Sitting at brunch today at cracker barrel
with Angelia and her dad, Battle
called me and said that they were redeploying him to
Iraq.
A place called Mosul.

"U.S. officials say that al-Qaida in Iraq and other terrorist groups have a significant presence in the city and that Mosul is a gathering point for foreign fighters coming across the border from nearby Syria.

On Monday, gunmen killed five U.S. soldiers during a firefight after an improvised explosive device attack on their Humvee, and in the past week, 20,000 to 30,000 pounds of explosives in an insurgent weapons cache exploded, killing 60 people and ripping a huge crater in the city. The next day, a suicide bomber killed the police chief at the blast site."
-Chron.com

Fuck-shit.
It's all a bunch of bullshit, you know? The whole "we don't negotiate with terrorists" slogan is a broken tool that everyone hides behind in order to keep on with these shenanigans. It's not working, fuckin' obviously.
But I mean, we can't sit down with some of these guys and try to proctor a deal that doesn't end up with good people walking into a crowd and blowing everyone up.
That'd be ridiculous;
the notion that two people can sit down
and agree that for the better
advancement of the world-
no, fuck the world,
that for the advancement of the people
these two dicks know-
an agreement must be brokered.
The only possible solution to this madness is to stop combating their ideals and to merge with them, to convince them that a symbiotic relationship must be formed... to convince them and ourselves that this violence is unacceptable- that violence is unacceptable.
There's never been any education proceeding a bullet. Efforts in our military need to be put towards this education rather than bombs and waterboarding (1, 2, 3).

But hey.
I'm just one of the millions of people saying the exact same thing. So what the fuck, right? D'fuck is any of this blogging going to solve?
Masturbation for peace.

64 in a 60

2007-12-23T23:36:00.001-06:00

It's been a hell of a weekend.
Money spent on nothing.
Oodles
But piss on it.
If there's one thing I've realized
it's that
Jeff Hampton is the fucking man.
This beautiful person got a phone call from me at 10p.m.
saying that I was fucked four hours from home.
...He didn't even hesitate
before saying that he'd be on his way.
He dropped everything,
got off work early,
just to get in his car and drive four hours to pick me up.
He got a speeding ticket on his way to pick me up.
He didn't gain a thing in this.
All he knew was that his friend was in a horrible way,
didn't even ask what happened.
Jeff, I love you.
You are the most amazing friend I have ever had.
Thank you for being around.

a thousand things wrong with the way you wear your hair

2007-12-08T03:37:00.001-06:00

I'm not going to lie, the last few days have been rough. Not because anything particularly horrible's happened, but because my body is feeling the stress of all the events and all the bumps and creaks of this house are coming out like words from and ancient indian burial ground.
I remember when I was young and my brother was too. Way back before we didn't like each other. Back when I didn't understand that there was an alternative to liking him. Tire swings, x-men trading cards, the whole nine yards. All of it seemed so natural, so easy. But now it's difficult now. We learned to be pissed off with each other real quick and the walk has not been so easy since. Staying pissed off at one of those stables in your life is quite a bit of work.
But what can you do? Wait six months until you both are tired from the uphill journey it is staying pissed off. It's been two or so. Still going strong.
Fuck, I might just Lance Armstrong this bitch and keep it going.
It is really cold outside.
My car is on its last limbs of life.
I am a marathon runner.

The phone is dead and gone. It rang off the hook and hung itself

2007-11-21T00:26:00.000-06:00

I found a million dollars today and spent it all on time.
Because that's all everyone needs is a little time and
it's expensive.
One day 37 weeks from now will be mine and fine fine fine.
But for now all I can afford is to do a million things that won't
make me happy and cook.
I like cooking though.
But I can't cook right now.
I do not have any books.

your panics are charming

2007-09-24T22:44:00.001-05:00

paranoia in every direction.
weeding out suspicion

"the fall festival = a human dumpster" - Kyle O

The other night we went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. As soon as the news of it happening was remembered, we got in the damn car and rode like bats out of hell toward the nearest Goodwill. Upon pulling into the parking lot we drove in and cornered the Wassermuler. It was a god thing we did or he would never have worn that onesy. All in short, we were ridiculously beautiful - beautifully ridiculous.
What could we do?
What should anyone do in such a position of grandeur? Really.
The only possible solution to such awesomeness is to trip, fall, land on your face, and eat that goddamn cake.
So we did.

Run outside so fast that you go back in time to four years ago.
Back to that time when you had your first taste of true frustration,
when you weren't so jaded to the fact that you will try hard and it will not work out every time in your advantage.
So back in that time all you had to do was go to school; go home; and go to concerts.
The routine alone was enough to be too much, but the naivety held when you happen upon being 16 keeps the checks in balance, and this remains a constant until you one day show up too early to something and have time to sit and think. And, when you finish thinking you've come up with an idea. So you propose this idea to the friend you showed up too early with, and this friend is the type of good friend to go with ideas that come about when you're realizing that sometimes you have to do something to release the frustration.

Bang

Reset

Show your feelings while wearing make up and high heels and run with them - backwards for miles just to show your strength. Strung out, naked, and desperate. Track marks all up your arms. Don't pretend and don't think it's real.
Cau....

*Snap*
These two guys just drove past me and yelled "nerd."

man, i drank so much coffee and i'm still just trying to stop being jittery and irrational.

Worst Month in Time

2007-09-18T15:37:00.001-05:00

September has not been so great.
I lost $80 on the first day of it.
Trips were canceled.
Other stuff happened.
Relationships went wrong.
I was hired and fired before I started working at a new job.
And I was mugged last night.

That's about the sum of it.

Monkey Wrench

2007-09-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

The way I would categorize the last few weeks is a series of failures. Not all of them were huge failures, but some were, which made all of the others, at the time, seem monumental as well. So I'm planning a trip. I think that every time there is a series of trip-ups, set-backs, or just fuck-ups, a holiday should be quickly organized and executed. With this last set of problems, being so many with so little time between them happening, I've decided to take a bit longer of a holiday a bit farther away - New York.

So... about this city i live in...

2007-09-04T23:58:00.000-05:00

I've taken to stealing Wi-Fi, but there isn't any in my apt. building. I went to the bar down the street from my house to get on there, but then realized that they only have one cable line for the entire hotel. I had an excellent connection, but was going at the speed of shit. Now, I'm sitting about a block away from the bar on this enclosed stoop behind the Cambridge Arms Apt.s. It's really hot outside.
I really want to move to Bloomington. It seems that ever since I got back 10 hours ago Evil's been tripping up in all the worst ways. So I think that since I can't get anyone to take my lease, and I probably won't have a place to crash until March, maybe, I'll just make constant pilgrimages up there. I think everyone I know up there had it right in realizing the potential damage staying in Evil could cause.

piss it.
it's way too warm!
Off to bed.

"What are you doing?! We do not eat apricots in the armored personnel carriers!" Daddy Lang

2007-09-03T01:18:00.000-05:00

TOday i was out watching the flock of humming birds that have set up shop in my father's backyard. He's set up quite the collection of feeders with extra sugary nectar. It reminded me of the time when I was seven - my friend Cameron and I were in the ally-way behind the backyard of the house I grew up in playing with BB guns. I saw a humming bird, took aim and shot it to both of our surprise. It seemed to float down from the power line it perched on like a leaf. That was the first time I realized the gravity of death - how it reduces you to an object from a being....

Damn it. It must be the cold fronts coming in causing me to recollect on all of this downer bullshit. I am on holiday. Fuck all of this rubbish about life and death because right now it's irrelevant to my situation. Whoooha! Fiesta!

Something True

2007-08-26T04:18:00.000-05:00

The past ten days have seemed unreal. All of the things I can think of off the top of my head is pretty trivial, though. Like, I got an ipod, I've been working bunches, parties, etc., etc.
probably shouldn't have even opened this screen, but i did, and you know what? that feels like it was a lot of work, and I'm liking that this entry's getting longer by the second with all of this jib-jab I'm throwing down. Makes a man feel like he's writing something important... because it's long.
Well, that's spent me. I'm taking a nap.
Good work, guys.
Same place.
Same time.
Someday.

beneath the workcamps and wormwood

2007-08-19T12:28:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid it's harsh goddamn news about your future, Jimmy.

Those are people who've died

2007-08-18T19:02:00.000-05:00

Later Willard